Accomplishment & Self-doubt

On Tuesday I completed my C25k programme, yay! I felt so proud and happy. I am really impressed by this programme, it helped me a lot and pushed me into running for longer after struggling for so long on my own.  Although the programme is called Couch to 5k, it only helped me to run for 30 minutes straight (with extra walking for a warm up and cool down), but I can't run a 5k in the time frame expected as yet.  For instance, this morning I ran for 30 minutes, walked 3 minutes to rest a bit and then ran 10 more minutes and in the 43 minutes I ran for a total of 4.75 km. So I basically now just have to work on my speed.  My plan is to try every morning to fit a 5 km into my allotted exercise time (I only have about 40 to 45 minutes) - I am nearly there.  After that I want to push to get the 5 km done in 40 minutes and then I'll take it from there again and plan new goals.

Even though I completed the programme this week, I experienced a lot of self-doubt since Monday. I think it has a little bit to do with the running app I downloaded to monitor my speed, so I see that it takes me 9:15 to run a km and I want to do better. Now I have these negative feelings towards myself - I am too slow... I am not good enough... Am I really a runner? I lost almost 4 kg this past 3 months, but thinking it's also too slow and not good enough even though I worked my ass off for it.  Saw pics hubby took of me yesterday and I look fatter than I feel :( Oh and my ankle hurts from an old injury, my calves pain, I am stiff from my run. Urgh, I know I am being silly and I will get over myself, but blegh... just blegh.

This popped up in my news feed yesterday and I need to remind myself of this on a more regular basis.

Note to myself from myself:

You did bloody well, girl, you have come so far. Keep going and stop doubting yourself, you will keep going and accomplish a whole lot more, I just know it.  Your body is changing and you can feel it, people comment on it and even though it's slow-going, it's going. You will make yourself proud, you will make your hubby and children proud. Don't care about the opinions of those who does not care for your journey. Love yourself, love your body - it's doing an amazing job, love how strong you are getting, love your accomplishments. You go girl, am rooting for you! xxx

Running!

Murphy is a biatch!  I wrote last about starting week 4 of my running programme and how chuffed I was with completing the first run of the week.  Well as Murphy would have it, I completed Week 4, excited to move on to Week 5 of the 8-Week programme and then the very next day after I did my last Week 4 run I got sick with a terrible, terrible bug that kept me ill and in pain for 8 days.

With that, Easter weekend and my boy who is at home with the school holidays I did not get to run for a full 12 days and I started back today.  I did not want to run, I was lazy this morning, my body is still run down and tired after being sick, and my little girl is not herself and sleeping poorly as well. Plus I was scared to see how much progress I lost in the almost 2-weeks.  Somehow I motivated myself... they say after all the hardest part of the run is the first few steps out of the house... So I decided to do a Week 4 run again.  I am happy to report that I managed that easily!  But I think I will do another Week 4 run tomorrow to be on the safe side and then move on to Week 5's runs a bit later this week.

A few things I have learned about running and myself this past few weeks:

• I am really enjoying it. Who would have thought...
• Running with music in my ears is the only way to go.
• I need a programme to help push me further.  I realize now how much time I have wasted December to mid February by trying to run on my own, because if my legs/brain says I'm tired I stop running, but with the programme I run when it says run and I walk when they say walk and they challenge me each time to do better.
• I can not work on endurance and speed at the same time... hence I am only working on endurance for the moment... so snail pace it is!
• I need to get out of my own head when running... I need to let my thoughts wander and not think about me running. I just need to put one foot in front of the other automatically and let my mind go. Hence the music helping.
• It really, really helps me to lose weight!

A dear friend invited me to do a 5km race with her in a month's time and I accepted and immediately signed up and paid for it.  If all goes well (and let's face it life likes to throw lemons) I will be able to complete my C25k programme by then and I am hoping I will be able to run most of it, although I think it's going to be slow and hard.  I am so looking forward to it though!