But not today.
This time I'm going to bleed and cry all over my blog. So excuse me for a while so that I can get this all out and hopefully feel a bit more positive afterwards, but I can't guarantee it.
I'm tired.
Of this journey.
Of fighting this battle with my body constantly.
For being kicked in the teeth with terrible results after I've put in the effort.
For not getting the results that I deserve.
It's been a year and a half of constantly trying, and trying and trying and picking myself up off the ground constantly.
Yes, so I weighed in this morning. Wish I hadn't and just went on with the challenge and only weighing at the end of it. I'm UP 600 grams since I completed my first Reboot.
After 15 days on my new Reboot challenge, adding a second challenge (30 Day Shred) which is still going well (Day 10 today) and keeping myself absolutely cheat-free, and with less Reboot treats than the first time around. How on earth could it be possible. No cm loss either...
My third Plateau???? Seriously, is this happening again????? My third plateau in 18 months??? Why on earth am I struggling so much when I'm doing so much to combat my weight-problem? Why can't I just get the break that I deserve... the break I work so hard for.
It's a long journey, I know and I was prepared for it, that's why I'm still going strong after a year and a half. I just feel my progress is much too slow - only about 19 kg after 18 months.
And don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled for the kg I have lost. It has made such a huge difference in my life, an enormous difference and I won't trade it for anything. I'm just thinking about the other 15 - 20 odd kg I still need to lose. Am I going to see goal weight before I turn 35? I wanted it before I turn 33, and that's in 3 weeks time, so that ain't happening.
I'm just so tired of this fight with my own body.
I think I'm ending off on this post now, because I see no positivity coming from it. For now, I'll just breathe and carry on with my two challenges and hope and pray that something comes of it.
Long deep breath! I can't imagine how frustrating this must be for you. It is okay to be disappointed, cry, even scream.
ReplyDeleteBut let me tell you what an amazing, beautiful, strong woman you are. You have been one of my biggest inspirations through my own journey. You, in my eyes, are unstoppable, and for that the rewards will come, they have to! I just wish I could tell you when. I am more certain of you reaching your goal, than I am of any other person in this world, including myself! Even on your down days, you don't stop, you don't ever stop, and that is such an admirable quality.
Please be kind to yourself and your body. I hope that you are able to figure out what is holding you back so that you can start forward again to where you want to go. For now, I think forget about the scale and stick to measurements. (Not really helpful I know, sorry). I am willing to bet that we will see a major difference between your set of photos from end of reboot 1 and the new set coming at end of reboot 2, regardless of what the scale says.
BIG BEEEG hugs!!
Hey Rox, wow, thanks so much for your faith in me - it really means a lot in the time where I have so very little in me, or rather my body. Yes you are so right, I need to be kind to me and my body now and keep on working hard at it. I just hope you're right and that I'll see a difference in the end-result photos! Thanks for the hugs and sending some right back at ya xx
DeleteBeen thinking of you the whole day Debs.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you're sad today.
I literally can't think of any specific advice...
KEEP THE FAITH!
Klou vas aan daai wa vir al wat jy werd is - jy SAL die vrugte pluk daarvan!
Luv u
xx
Hey Jess - thanks for thinking of me yesterday, for your emails and BBM's.
Deleteek klou vas aan die wa, ek belowe jou - nog nie reg om moed op te gee nie!
Lovies x 10000000000 xxx
Debs, it's a hard journey - I know. I still get days where I am tired. Where I just want to give up. It's a constant battle against gaining fat. Tired of watching what I eat and drink, day in and day out. I get what you are saying, I do.
ReplyDeleteBut ... do not give up now. You have come so far. You have lost so much weight already. A plateau usually happens when one's body get accustomed to a certain way which is either your eating or exercise regime. Try to change your exercise perhaps. Exercise in whole, should be rotated every 6-8 weeks. Also, I'm an email away for support and if you want to, I will give my cell number too.
Hi Marleen. Yes I bet you know exactly how I felt yesterday. It's so tough, but I'm not about to give up, I promise you that. I think it might be my body getting accustomed to the Paleo way of eating, because exercise-wise I'm shaking it up quite a lot, although I will add some extra cardio today for in case I'm wrong. Thanks for your support and advise. I really appreciate it xx
DeleteYou were also strangely enough in my thoughts today. Am so sorry you are having such a low day. It's so not fair when I know how hard you are fighting. Do not have any words other than - My friend, I care!
ReplyDeleteThank you, my friend - I really appreciate that you're thinking of me and caring. xx
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